I dont think I can be a nurse. I think I'll go nuts soon.
It's been 3 years. But there's never a time that I can handle death in the ward.
My tear ducts just burst unknowingly. I hate it.

Today was just crisis and I just cant take it anymore.
I'm going crazy. I'm going crazy.

Hypoglycaemia 0.8mmol/L. Freaking low like madness. I almost fainted upon seeing the reading. His eyes were big, so big and not blinking. Even without pentorch, I can already see that his pupil was super dilated. I called him, tapped him, he wasnt even responding though his eyes were wide opened. My legs - wobbly...

With that kind of anxiety, running to the doctors who were all pooled together for doctors round. He, as a professor, shall not gain my respect anymore. I was looking for the doctor in charge (doctor X), and I waited for the prof to stop talking then I tapped Doctor X.

I'm already sweating out, tell him about his patient condition that is 0.8mmol/L (Pt can die, btw). Can you pls come out for a while? Patient is unresponsive.

This Doctor X is a very nice doctor, maybe he's still considered new. (Maybe I already fallen in love with him, cos he's darn handsome.) LOL. I'm just kidding. He's not my type, but he's handsome. On another hand, he's 10 years older than me.

Before he opened his eyes wide, the prof scolded me in front of them.
" Do you know what's doctor's round? Do not disturb. Get another doctor"

I was about to cry cos I DONT SEE ANY DOCTORS since ALL of you are all here. *Idiots*
" No, but patient BGM is 0.8mmol/L! "

Prof: "I said do not disturb. go find yourself another doctor"

I was damn pissed off. I'm about to scold him as a useless doctor and so called prof with just a status. I will scold him, soon. I dont care whether I'm a student or staff. Patient comes first, morons. And, there's no such things as not able to disturb doctors round. Doctors round is about knowing patient better, isnt it? And throughout these years, nurses have to report to doctors regarding patients condition. Why are you telling me to search for other doctors bec I'm a student? Yeah, trying to discriminate me? You , wait and see.

Just nice, there's this doctor who walked past. He wasnt even from my ward you know! But at least he knows what is urgent! I rolled my eyes at prof & ran towards this doctor. GOD, you didnt know how thankful I was when I saw the presence of this doctor.

I was like. " I'mm I'mm, sorry Doctor! Patient bgm is 0.8 NOW, and is unresponsive. Can you please help me? He's unresponsive!"

And obviously, the doctor saw that bloody pool of doctors over there. But he didnt care but HELPED ME IMMEDIATELY. (He's quite high post actually) Then finally, when he walked over, the doctor-in-charge quickly ran over. Omg, Doctor X. I did pondered why you need to care about that prof when your pt is dying. God.

I'm always angry with my doctors. They also think they are high up above the sky while I'm worst that the core of the earth. Why?

I do hate my job. But I know the importance about a life at stake. If you know you can save them, why not? Why do you have to wait till patient plunged all the way to the minimum for maximum resus? why why why? Doctors and nurses are different. Doctors chose to become doctors for saving people. Nurses are about passion or no choice because their academy might suck to hell. Doctors, you can choose! But why are you forgetting the basic reason after climbing so high up of a position? You dont deserve my respect, I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, this is the last sorry that I'm gonna say.

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